Trusting and waiting. They go hand in hand don't they? Well, guess what. I'm terrible at both. Oh, I'll encourage others to trust God's timing and wait because He's got a plan, He's in control but don't tell me that. It's fine for other people but not me, you see, I'm special. I'm unique. I'm a glorious one of a kind snowflake...destined to be out there in the forefront paving the way and knowing exactly what's around the corner. No delay for this girl, nope. I deserve it! I've earned it! I've learned all I need to know. Send me in coach, I've got it all together.
But it just doesn't happen that way. I sit and wait, wondering what the next step is. There's so many levels to trusting Jesus, it's like growing pains. There are always more things to learn and ways to grow. And I know this. It doesn't make it any easier but I know it. But that doesn't stop me from trying different formulas, if I do and X and Y I'll get to point A here. If I subtract Z from W goal number 1 will happen.
I'm a missionary, I feel like I should know better by now.....
And I know that God has His plans and He sees them through. I've seen this, I've experienced it. And there's a reason for everything, I might not know it now but I know that He loves me. I don't have anything profound to say other than that there's a reason in the waiting. And I plan on seeking His face in my impatience and frustration, not to beg or plead ( not today anyway) but to just to seek out what He has to show me today about myself and my circumstances. Even in the waiting there are blessings, even when I feel like there's nothing more I can do except get on my knees. That constant laying down of self. So I will wait because God is sovereign and Jesus loves me.
